Redemptive Suffering: Part II

Hello Ladies,

In my earlier post entitled Redemptive Suffering, I explained how suffering can be used to the greater glory of God and for our own healing. If you have not read the earlier post or if I did not make myself clear, know that I do not endorse suffering for the sake of suffering. I do not believe that a woman's role is to be subservient, meek, or silent. Having said this I must point out that God does meet us in our suffering and speaks to us in the silence. This is not a contradiction because we are God's beloved children. In the silence, He will tell us when to speak softly or with loud voices. In the stillness, He will tell us when to be bold.

In a moment I am going to give a beautiful quote from Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta about the virtue of silence. Why would I place silence in the same post as suffering? One reason is because women, even now, are told that they should suffer in silence. Why? So that their suffering can be ignored by those who wish to perpetuate their inequality. Obviously this is not what Mother Teresa is saying. Mother Teresa changed the world by silently suffering for God! Nobody forced her to do this: not her confessors, not her spiritual directors, not her bishop. She did this because Jesus was calling her and she responded out of love for Him.

I think it is very important: that union with God. You must be full of silence, for in the silence of the heart God speaks. An empty heart God fills. Even Almighty God will not fill a heart that is full-full of pride, bitterness, jealousy-we must give these things up. As long as we are holding these things, God cannot fill it. Silence of the heart, not only of the mouth-that too is necessary-but more, that silence of the mind, silence of the eyes, silence of the touch. Then you can hear Him everywhere: in the closing of the door, in the person who needs you, in the birds that sing, in the flowers, the animals-that silence which is wonder and praise. Why? Because God is everywhere and you can see and hear Him. That crow is praising God-I can hear its sound well-that stupid crow; we can see Him and hear Him in that crow and pray, but we cannot see and hear Him if our heart is not clean. (Where There Is Love There Is God, p. 12.)

Mother Teresa also had a great devotion to Our Lady. This is an enormous help to me because, being the academic that I am, I appreciate it when somebody else does all the hard work for me.

We must pray, we must really bring Our Lady into our life fully because she was the one who taught us how to find Jesus. And how did she find Jesus? By just being the handmaid of the Lord. She was surprised when she was called "full of grace." She didn't understand, but she understood beautifully when she said, "I am the handmaid of the Lord," and she remained like that. She could have gone round [talking], but she did not even tell St. Joseph. Poor St. Joseph did not know till the end. She could't say anything-the handmaid, that silence. Because God speaks in the silence of our hearts. And Our Lady knew that silence and because she knew that silence, she was able to love from the fullness of her heart, and this is what the young people want to see-that silence. Silence is a sign of our oneness with Christ, of our surrender to Him, of our being His totally, and for vocations to grow, we have to teach them that silence. Because...we need that silence to learn to pray...the young people want to learn to pray. Not in noise but they want to pray in the silence of their hearts, to teach them to hear that voice, to hear God in their hearts. And so they want to see what is our silence. They have to learn this silence from seeing us, from being with us and as we know, silence cannot be corrected also. It is so beautiful. I am seeing these young people during our adoration-we have adoration every day for one hour. I've seen these people, these young sisters, these young "come and sees" completely, really one with Jesus...because their hearts have understood "you are precious to Me, you are Mine." (Where There Is Love There Is God, p. 13-14.)

Have you noticed how loud our society is? My mother, God bless her soul, used say that if she didn't make a big deal about something then nobody would know that it was important. Unfortunately, everything became a big deal so her real needs became lost in the noise. Jesus was trying to heal her but she couldn't hear Him. Silence for women has become synonymous with victimhood. But do we listen to those who need us? Do we listen to God within us?

It is easy to brush off the saints. After all, they were saints so they had an 'in' with God. And even if they did struggle, they were religious so their entire lives could be devoted to God. We mothers of young children, on the other hand, do not get silence. We do not get sleep. We do not even get to go to the bathroom by ourselves! What we get are cries that must be answered immediately. We get dirty diapers and dirty kitchens. And we are supposed to find a quiet place with God? And suffer silently, don't we already do that? We could scream our pain at the top of our lungs and it would fall on deaf ears.

Well, Ladies, fear not! I am going to give you some brief prayers that will help you keep your heart untroubled so that God may always enter. And yes, I have tried them. And yes, it works. When things get difficult try repeating one of the following:

Holy Trinity, One God, have mercy on us.

My God and my all.

My God, I love you.

Teach me, O Lord, to do your will, for you are my God.

My Jesus, mercy.

Sacred Heart of Jesus, protect our families.

Heart of Jesus, I place my trust in you.

Jesus, I love you. Jesus, I trust you.

Holy Spirit, guide me.

I am the handmaid of the Lord.


These are just a sampling of prayers. It is hard to yell at your kids when you are praying. (I've managed once or twice but mostly it's hard.)

Yes, we suffer. But we suffer a lot less when we make calm, life-giving choices. And when we do suffer it should be because we are bringing forth life, as does God. We are God's beloved daughters, mothers to God's beloved children. God guides us through our most mundane tasks and gives them value. Let others yell and scream and demand attention like spoiled children. In the meantime we will be going about the work of changing the world. Think that such simplicity doesn't work? Look at Mother Teresa's life. She brought God to all she met. She suffered but she could see God working through her.

Let us pray for each other, that by being faithful to God, we may be faithful to ourselves.

No wonder the secular world fears silence. No wonder the secular world fears suffering. The secular world is its own god. Let us transcend it. Let us live fearlessly.

May God Continue to Bless You!

Redemptive Suffering

Disclaimer: This post is about suffering, more specifically, redemptive suffering. This is not a topic to be undertaken lightly. As Christians we believe in a suffering God. We really need to understand what exactly this means. It is a crucial part of our faith and so our understanding of it is a crucial part of our everyday life. Please be patient as I explain the difference between suffering and redemptive suffering. Yes, there is a difference. No, I’m not splitting hairs or delving into a topic that has no simple, practical application. And NO, I will NEVER tell a woman that it is her role to suffer. EVER. Jesus has done the suffering for us.

What I will tell you: The origin of suffering
            The definition of meaningless suffering
            Why Jesus suffered for us
         How suffering can be redemptive
                                What this means to us
        Prayers to help us on our way (part II)




Hello Ladies,

Tonight I'm going to try to tackle a topic I really don't want to approach: redemptive suffering. I don't like suffering. It sucks. I don't like reading about it (which, by the way, was what I was doing this past Friday night. Pathetic!) I don't want to write about it. But it's important and misunderstood. So like most things that are painful, I'm going to get it done as quickly as possible, hope I don't screw it up too badly in my haste, and pretend like it's not happening. So are you with me? Let's go.

The Origin of Suffering: In the Beginning

Why is suffering so miserable? Because we weren't created to suffer. We were created in the image and likeness of God to be in communion with God and the rest of creation. There was no concept of death or separation. There was no alienation. Our sense of self and others came from God. Sounds kind of like the Garden of Eden, right? But now suffering is so much a part of the human experience sometimes we even define ourselves by our suffering. Healthy? No. But it's true. We now feel alienated from others, our parents, spouses, children. We are so alienated from God that sometimes we even question His existence. So what gives?

The book of Genesis clearly states that suffering entered the world when Adam and Eve ate the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Their eyes were opened and they saw that they were naked. When they saw their nakedness they were ashamed and hid from God. This distancing of self from God is sin. Since God respects our free will suffering is allowed to continue.

To the woman he [God] said,
"I will greatly increase your pangs in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you."

And to the man he said,
"Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten of the tree about which I commanded you, 'You shall not eat of it,' cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread until you return to the ground for out of it you were taken; you are dust, and to dust you shall return."
Genesis 3:16-19 NRSV

Thus did fear, inequality, alienation, and the suffering they would cause enter the world. But then so did the beauty of choosing to love in spite of our desire to hide ourselves from God and those who would love us, even ourselves. The root of our suffering comes from choosing to hide ourselves from God. The more we hide from God the more we suffer. Did God create suffering to punish us? He didn’t need to. He didn’t need to curse us with pain and toil. He simply knew what distancing ourselves from Him would result just as we tell our children when something is a Bad Idea. You don’t have to be divine to know that a child who habitually jumps on a bed will eventually fall off and get hurt.  In the same way God didn’t curse women to be subservient or have painful labors. He simply knew what would happen when He was no longer the measure by which we rate ourselves.

Before we go on let me clarify a few points. When humanity fell from grace so to did creation. Since that time creation has been in labor, so to speak, until the new heaven and new earth are created: the end of the age. We all understand this allegory. Carrying this allegory a step further we are called to be midwives to creation - to be bringers of life. In order to do this we must be in communion with God. More on this later.

The Definition of Meaningless Suffering:

So what makes suffering redemptive? Well, God suffers because we are not close to Him. We suffer because we are not close to God. Jesus suffered so that our souls might reunite with God. And we suffer because... Ah, this is where it gets tricky.

Why do we suffer? We suffer because there are a lot of jerks out there who say we deserve to suffer because we are: too rich, too poor, have the wrong hair color, we're women, wives, mothers, not wives or mothers, too ugly, too sexy, to educated, too ignorant, wrong nationality or language group, wrong skin color, wrong religion, wrong gender in wrong religion, etc., etc...  These jerks have a lot of power, sometimes the power of life and death. And really, we can all be jerks sometimes. I have seen a soldier in an invading army work for peace in her every word and deed. I have seen peace activists destroy all in their paths out of hate. Things don't have to be this way but they are. We may suffer because of these people. There’s no way around it. But do we allow them to define us? Should we suffer simply because they want us to?

Why Jesus Suffered for Us and Redemptive Suffering:

Did Jesus think suffering was a great thing? No!!  In the ancient Greek text of the Gospel of Mark , when  Jesus was confronted with a suffering person, the Greek term used translates "he held them in his bowels". In more palatable English it is translated as "He had compassion for". Perhaps a better translation would be "his gut wrenched at the sight of such suffering and he was moved by love to cure them". Or maybe we should have a more informed idea of what compassion means: to suffer with. It pained Jesus to see people suffer. And when it came time for Jesus to suffer and die for our sins did He skip for joy? No! He prayed and begged in anguish for hours, asking the Father to spare Him. Are you afraid of pain, suffering, humiliation, separation from God and death? You are in very good company.

So why did God demand this of his Beloved Son? Well, He didn't, really. We were the ones who chose to separate ourselves from God (sin). Out of respect for human free will sin is the one place God does not go. But a human can. A human cannot heal the breach between God and humanity. But God can. (Do you see where this is going?) So Jesus, who is fully human and fully divine, through the human condition of suffering, which is the effect of our rejection of God, which is sin, can bring God for us to be healed, which is salvation. Phew! Before the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, suffering had no meaning. Now suffering is a place where God meets us to heal us. Redemption. In short, God is using a flawed tool of our own creation to heal us. It's not the only way to heal us, but since suffering is the effect of our choice to sin, it might be the way we understand best.


When we suffer we desire to be closer to God. As we become closer to God we become more like God: more of what we were created to be. We become more of ourselves. We have less fear. We have less weakness. We no longer worry about what others say; we share the same mind as Jesus, who is Love. No matter what we go through, He has been there first. We will never be asked to do anything that He has not done. We will continue to sin, block God from our souls, because we are fallen. We will suffer and die because we are in a fallen world. We can meet God in our suffering not only because suffering breaks down the "I" and we allow God in, but also because Jesus bore the mantle of our sins and suffered for us and with us. Simply put: in our suffering we have a beautiful opportunity to meet God because God is not afraid of a filthy soul. For this the soul is grateful.

Gratitude will lead us to do some strange things. Well, strange according to a world that wants us to suffer needlessly. Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta loved the crucified Jesus so much that she willingly took on His suffering to do His work in the world. And she really did suffer. Once she began her life as a Missionary of Charity she felt alienated from God, as if He had abandoner her or her soul needed to be purged from imperfections. Her spiritual directors disagreed with her reasoning stating that instead of being far from God that she was in closer communion with Christ Crucified. Remember, sin is the rejection of God. God respects our free will so sadly endured our rejection. When Jesus willingly took our sin upon Himself, He was in a place where God could not go until it was transformed by death and resurrection. God NEVER abandoned Jesus just as God NEVER abandons us. But Jesus truly suffered for want of God. And so did Mother Teresa. And do you know that Mother Teresa was grateful for her suffering? Her loneliness? Why? Because it allowed her to reach out with compassion and understanding to those in despair. For the people Mother Teresa touched, the Kingdom of God is already at hand.

Suffering can also unite us with others who suffer. Mother Teresa had a spiritual sister who, due to painful physical infirmity, could not do the active work of a Mission of Charity. The solution? This spiritual sister was to 'offer up' her suffering for Mother Teresa! In fact, Mother Teresa saw her sister as having the more noble calling! How does this work?

Suffering is a place where we meet Christ Crucified. Remember that because of Jesus Christ, God can now move through even our sin if we allow Him. Think of it this way: The soul embroiled in sin is like a closed, stuffy, dirty room. It might stink but it's MY stink. I might hate it but it's MINE. I might even despair but it's MY choice. Now imagine allowing God in, even a little bit. Whoosh! The curtains are pulled back and the windows opened. Suddenly light and fresh air enter. Now I can start to see things as they really are. Some things that I once feared turn out to be mere shadows that disappear in the light. Some things I thought were clean turn out to be dirty. Purging the soul of dirt can be painful. But once you see the filth you will wish to become clean at all cost! Now, through the grace of God, there is hope of becoming clean, a new creation. Gratitude enters the soul. Joy. A new world begins.

As Jesus is transforming us from the inside out, we are also in communion with all of the suffering. Remember we are connected to each other through the bonds of love, the Holy Spirit. Deep within us there is a place where we are meant to be connected to all of creation. We are fallen. We cannot heal it. But we can allow God to heal us. This is the place where God reaches down and takes us by the hand. This is the silent, lonely, empty place where God fills us. This is the place where we are connected in prayer and love. This is the place where suffering takes us.

Does that make suffering good? Heck no! And do we, as Marian moms, glorify suffering in any way? Nope! We are proud of our scars, our strength, our faith in God. Any sane person tries to avoid needless, or any, suffering. A woman might endure the pain of a natural childbirth because she believes that it is better for herself and her child. I have yet to meet a woman who walks into a birthing room and says 'gee, I think I'd like to make labor longer and more painful, please'. No. She does not do one more push, endure one more stitch, than absolutely necessary.

What This Means To Us:

We suffer because we need to be healed. We suffer because God suffers in longing for us. We suffer because God calls us to help heal the creation that we broke in a fit of infantile rage. We suffer because we try to see the world as God does but we continually fail. We suffer for love of God. We suffer because on some level we understand that we all make it to heaven together or heaven is greatly diminished by our failure to love. We suffer because we know that this isn’t our true home.

How does this understanding of suffering affect our role as Marian Mothers? Well, you tell me. You were created in the image and likeness of God to do something that nobody else in the history of creation can do. I cannot tell you how to be a mother. I cannot tell you what it is to be a woman. (Presumably you already know.) But like Mary, I can tell you “do what He tells you to do”.

Go sit in the silence. Stare at the wall. Ask God. Bring your suffering to God. Have compassion for others instead of judging them. Allow God to heal you. Allow God to heal the world through you. Observe the small but profound miracles happening around you and give thanks. Do small things will great love.

Conclusion of Part I:

Well Ladies, this post has turned out to be very different than I expected. Hopefully it is relevant and worth reading. It is my wish that by seeing your situation differently you will begin to behave in a more loving manner. I now see the Infant Jesus in my young children. Instead of becoming angry with them for infringing on my freedom I now see them as an opportunity to love the least of His people. We are all much happier. I still suffer. I still get angry. But I allow love to pour through me. Well, more often anyway.

In my next post (if it doesn’t evolve into something else again) I will try to give some suggestions on how to find Jesus in the midst of suffering.

God Bless You During this Holy Week

Matthew 34:31-46

It is not those who commit the least faults who are most holy, but those who have the greatest courage, the greatest generosity, the greatest love, who make the boldest efforts to overcome themselves, and are not immoderately apprehensive of tripping.
St. Frances de Sales

Hello Ladies,

One of the biggest challenges mothers of young children come across is that of isolation. We are up at all hours of the night. Our activities are curtailed by nap times. And don't get me started about having to deal with two children on different nap schedules! There are days I barely leave the house.

And then what happens when you want to meet with friends? If your friends have young children as well then it's a whole new set of nap times and rounds of colds. And when you do get together? Anarchy. My point? We sacrifice quite a bit and it mostly goes unnoticed and unappreciated.

If this isn't enough most mothers, whether working outside of the home or not, are continually challenged to go out into the world and make a quantifiable difference in society. Even when I had a newborn baby in my arms I had people asking me when I was going to get a "real" job. (I told these people that my child could not pay taxes for their pension or health care if the child grew to up to be on government assistance or in prison because of parental neglect. Some people.)

My point? Lots of people have opinions and advice as to how you should live your life and raise your children. Many of these people are supportive and encouraging. Others, those know-it-alls who see children, even their own, as burdens, can drive you crazy. Sometimes it's hard to focus on or know what is truly important. So being the Marian moms that we are we turn to Jesus for help and direction.


The Judgment of the Nations. (Matthew 34:31-46)

31 “When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit upon his glorious throne, 32 and all the nations will be assembled before him. And he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. 34 Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, 36
naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer him and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?
39 When did we see you ill or in prison, and visit you?’ 40 And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me.’
41 Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you accursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, 43 a stranger and you gave me no welcome, naked and you gave me no clothing, ill and in prison, and you did not care for me.’ 44  Then they will answer and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or ill or in prison, and not minister to your needs?’ 45 He will answer them, ‘Amen, I say to you, what you did not do for one of these least ones, you did not do for me.’ 46 And these will go off to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

All right! I can hear the screeches and groans from here. "Geez, Theology Mom, more judgment? As if we're not judged on a daily basis about the kind of diapers we put our children in! And apocalyptic judgment?  I can barely get through the day and you're talking to me about all sorts of charity work that I just can't manage right now. Talk to me after I get a full night's sleep. I'm off to eat chocolate ice cream out of the container."

I hear you, Sisters! What I am going to say is not original. In fact there is a beautiful reflection based on the above scripture passage. I heard it once but have been unable to find it again. If you happen to know it please send it to me.  Since I don't have the original reflection I will paraphrase it.

A mother dies and is surprised to find herself in heaven.
"Jesus", asks she, "not that I'm complaining, but how did I come to be worthy of this"?
"Good mother," says He, "when I was hungry you gave me food."
"Lord, that is not possible. There were so many hungry in the world and I barely had presence of mind to take a dusty can of food out of my pantry for a food drive. Tell me, when did I feed you?"
"In the middle of the night I cried because I did not have words. You sacrificed your sleep to feed me. But there is more. When I was a stranger you welcomed me"
"But Lord, when were you a stranger to me and I welcomed you?"
"When your body was not your own and rejected food. When I was placed in your arms and you were terrified of the responsibilities ahead. When you resented me for your loss of personal freedom until your body healed and still you allowed the seeds of love to bear fruit. That love was a choice. But there is more. When I was in prison you visited me."
"Lord, I have never stepped foot inside a prison!"
"Mother, I was imprisoned in a helpless body, unable to comprehend my most basic needs, hoping that somebody would pick me up and love and nurture me so that I could grow. You have done these things. Come, share my joy!"

(I would like to take the opportunity to thank those mothers who, unable to care for their own children, had the strength and faith to give them up for adoption. Some of those children have blessed my own family. Several adopted children continue to bless my life with their friendship. Also a special thank you to mothers who welcome adopted and foster children into their homes. May God continue to bless you!)

Yes, Ladies, we will by judged by God. The good news is that He will never ask us if our children wore the latest designer clothes or had the newest toys. The challenging news is that we must give much more of ourselves. Our consolation is that Jesus will guide our steps if we allow it.

We do not have to do great things to prove our worth. That is the judgment of the world. In Jesus our worth is beyond measure. Our sacrifices are met with respect and gratitude. Our suffering has meaning. (More on the Suffering God later.)

Mother Teresa said that if you want lasting peace in the world go home and love your family.

Now go take care of some of the most helpless in society. I am off to take care of my teething baby before she wakes the other children. Again.  Or bang my head against the wall. Probably both.

May God continue to bless you!

A Change of Direction: Q&A

Hello Ladies,

I'm writing today because some friends of mine are asking about all sorts of things from basic teachings of the Catholic church to reactions on death. This is a pretty wide range! One or two of my friends have asked if their questions or concerns are blog-worthy. Um, Yes!! What is written on a blog is not more important then the person reading it. So if you have any questions or concerns feel free to write and ask. I will answer them as confidentially and compassionately and as true to Catholic teaching as I am able. I will also endeavor, as always, to make my reply relevant. This is not meant to be an advice column. I don't have all the answers. But we are all human and our situations are not so different that we can't support one another. WE are the body of Christ.

Since I really have no idea who, if anybody, reads this blog I will continue to write about whatever thought can survive the slush that is my brain. But I would really love to hear from you.

Yours,

Theology Mom

Practical Humility- kenosis

Prelude:

Hello Ladies,

I've been trying to write this post for a while now. My life has been a bit of a gong show these past few weeks. Normally I would find this very frustrating and behave accordingly.  (Which is to say I would not have behaved well at all.) Luckily for those around me I've given up needless worry for Lent. Things don't get done the way I wanted them to? No big deal. And instead of praying that things pass me by (please, God, don't make me go to that event tomorrow; I'm much too tired!) I pray that God be with me and give me strength and endurance for the challenges ahead. This lent, I'm letting God decide what is important in my life. The rest will take care of itself.

So without further ado, I present this latest post.

Ladies,

I hope that you've noticed that my theology is very practical. If it doesn't work, don't do it. I may suggest praying the rosary or going to mass but I also know that some non-Catholics read this blog and still want content relevant to their spirituality.

You might have also noticed that this blog isn't very systematic. I don't want to write too much because I don't want to be another 'mommy blog'. It's also very difficult to plan anything on three hours of sleep. I might have more mystic encounters but I don't trust them.

I write what is on my heart. If something tells me that an idea is relevant then I write it. So much for scholarly treatises! (They're as much fun to read as they are to write.)

So of course pray the rosary and go to mass. But don't cheapen them by doing it 'by rote because that is what you're supposed to do'. Jesus is calling us into a relationship with Him. So go! Relate!

I might not be systematic but I have hit upon a theme that I find inspiring in my own life: humility. And believe me, Ladies, I'm going to give you practical reasons why humility is a great thing.

These days when people think of humility they think of an unequal relationship. Someone, usually a man, has more control over another, usually a humble woman. In this case humility becomes a feminine virtue and in this way the unequal relationship is perpetuated. Which is exactly what Jesus was against! (Meaning Jesus is against any form of unequal relationship.) Yet we are called to be humble to be closer to God. So what gives??

Okay, ANY relationship with God is bound to be unbalanced in God's favor. Obviously. So it's a good thing we follow a humble God.

If there is any encouragement in Christ, any solace in love, any participation in the Spirit, any  compassion and mercy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, with the same love united in heart, thinking one thing. Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves, each looking out not for his own interests, but [also] everyone for those of others.

Have among yourselves the same attitude that is also yours in Christ Jesus,
Who though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped. Rather, he emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, coming in human likeness; and found human in appearance, he humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.

Because of this, God greatly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus, every knee should bend, of those in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:1-11

We're weak humans. We think that thinking of others first is degrading. Jesus is God and he died on the cross for us. [Enter humble pause here.]

Yet Jesus was also human. So what did he do? He emptied himself. He took the form of a slave. And did God leave Him there? No. God made Jesus greater than Jesus could have ever accomplished on his own if he had selfishly guarded his human vanities.  God did not leave Jesus empty and He does not want to leave us empty, either. This relationship, this self-emptying and being filled by God, has a very profound term: kenosis. Or, if you're Jesus, Kenosis. It is a great mystery upon which the relationship of the Trinity rests. And we are called to be a part of it. (And you won't have to write a 30 page paper to be a part of it either. Lucky you.)

So here is a profound truth of Christianity. 

But let's start with humility. At an earlier post I said that we are called to be humble before God - not man. I really like this definition. But then I heard theologian, Jeff Cavins, define humility as knowing your own limitations and who you are in relationship to God and others and being okay with that.  Once again humility is taken out of an unequal context and is now the empowerment of self-knowledge and the surety of God's love.

How does one become humble? By praying and practice. Practicing humility can be as simple as truly listening to what another has to say. This means NOT thinking of your next words while another is talking. This is such an important skill that there is even a term for it: active listening. However you chose to practice humility you will notice an immediate change in your life and your prayer life. Let me give an example.

This year I gave up undue worrying for Lent. Why? Because I found that this is one of the major stumbling blocks that I put up between me, God, and the rest of the world. Why do I worry? For the illusion of control over my life. What do I seek to control? What others think of me. Is there any way I can control this? Not really.

So what are some of the practical changes I've noticed?  People think I'm wiser because I'm less likely to interject with really stupid comments. Am I wiser? No. But at least I don't look like a total idiot.

I'm becoming more compassionate. Why? Because I'm taking the time to listen to what people have to say instead of making snap judgments.

I am also less likely to worry about what other people are saying or thinking about me because the world is becoming a less dangerous place. They're not out to hurt me. They're probably not thinking about me at all. They're just trying to get through their own day.

There is less drama in my life because I'm not creating the drama. Outbursts with my husband last only a few minutes instead of a few hours because I have faith in our shared love instead of having to be right. This works out better for the whole family. (If my husband reads this and disagrees then he has no idea what goes on in my head sometimes! Sometimes ignorance is truly bliss.)

But, you might say, I've prayed about this humility thing (or something else) and I still don't get it! Well, let's talk about prayer for a minute because we won't get very far without it.

Everything we have comes from God. If we are called to God it is because God has called us first. And God is faithful to us in all things. So why don't we always get what we want?

What is prayer? Prayer is entering into a relationship with God. Many of us, myself included, treat Jesus like Santa Claus. When we do talk to Him we tell him all of our wants. Maybe they're good wants: world peace, meaningful work, conversion of souls. But how do you relate to somebody who just asks for things all the time? Would you put up with that from your spouse? Your beloved? Probably not. You would probably walk away muttering terms like 'need healthy boundaries' and 'not enabling'. You get the idea. So why do we treat Jesus this way? Or we could look at it another way. Here is a conversation I had recently with my son:

Son: Mama, can I have some candy? Please?
Me: No.
S (whining): But why not? I asked nicely.
M: You did ask nicely. But candy has lots of sugar and it's bed time. You won't be able to sleep with      all that sugar and besides, you've already brushed your teeth. I love you. Go to bed.
S: But candy is good and you want good things for me. You love me and want me to be happy!!!
M: I love you too much to argue with you about this. Good night.
S: You're mean! I don't want to talk to you any more!

I walked away thinking that this is how I pray! How does Jesus put up with me?

Now I am much more careful how I pray and what I pray for. My prayers begin with praise and gratitude. Then I ask the Spirit to guide me in my prayers. I am aware (or more aware) of the mercy that God has continually bestowed me in my life. I use the life of Jesus as a model for my life. Or I'm trying to anyway.


Have among yourselves the same attitude that is also yours in Christ Jesus,
Who though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped. Rather, he emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, coming in human likeness; and found human in appearance, he humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.

Humility is a wonderful thing because humility is God-like. The only way to transcend the hollow and painful cares of this world is to become more like Jesus. The only way to become more like Jesus is to spend time with Him. Yes, pray the rosary. Yes, go to mass. Yes, read (nay, PRAY) the bible. Listen. You will find peace. You will see an immediate, practical improvement in your life. But be willing to change. Be willing to let go of things that just aren't that important. Do what is important with great love. Go, beloved child of a faithful God. Go, love your children. Help them grow and change. Lead them by your example and steadfastness. Find the peace that only God can give and bless your children with your faith. It is the best, most practical legacy you can bestow.

God Bless.

Path to Humility - in God's Arms

People were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them, and when the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. Jesus, however, called the children to himself and said, "Let the children come to me and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you,whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it." Luke 18: 15-17

Ladies, imagine, if you can, a newborn child in the arms of his or her mother. Imagine that this child has been fed, is clean, warm, and content. Imagine what it must be like for this child who only feels love and security. There is no loneliness because there is no separation. There is no self-consciousness because there is no sense of shame. There is no selfishness because there is no sense of self. The child lives in a state of bliss, only aware of needs being met and the feeling of love and acceptance. This is a child in the arms of his or her mother.

Now imagine how much more God loves this child, how much more God can provide.

Now imagine that you are the child in God's arms.

So we are invited to be if we are to enter the kingdom of heaven.

Think this doesn't apply to you? Then listen to this:

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin. But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you. O you of little faith? So do not worry and say 'What are we to eat' or ' What are we to drink?' or 'What are we to wear?' All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek you first the kingdom [of God] and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides. Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil. Matthew 6: 25-34

It is pretty clear that God loves us and wants to take care of us. We are the ones worrying. We are the ones who are putting up barriers between us and God. We of so little faith!

This is the starting point of humility.

Why do we care what others say about us? We are in God's arms.
Why do look down on others? We are in God's arms.
Why do we belittle ourselves? We are in God's arms.
What do we have to prove? We are in God's arms.

This is the truth of our existence. And this is what we must remember if we are to enter the kingdom of God.

How do we maintain this peace of mind? Through prayer and practice (and practicing prayer). The idea is not to destroy our passions but place our passions at God's disposal.

We need not fear who we are. God created us. We are in God's arms.

Now that you have a starting place to humility, read and pray the Litany of Humility. It will be challenging. But notice, too, how less frightening it is when we know God's love for us.

Litany of Humility

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, 
Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved...
From the desire of being extolled...
From the desire of being honored...
From the desire of being praised...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted...
From the desire of being approved...
From the fear of being humiliated...
From the fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes...
From the fear of being calumniated...
From the fear of being forgotten...
From the fear of being ridiculed...
From the fear of being wronged...
From the fear of being suspected...

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I...
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease...
That others may be chosen and I set aside...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should...

-Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930)

How much more liberating life is when God is in control. How much easier life is when you can just be yourself and not have to perform to the expectations of others. You are already loved and accepted. You are already strong in Jesus. Your debts have already been payed. Now listen to God. Do His will. You are loved. You are complete. You are in God's arms. Now be His hands.

May God Bless You!

New Year, New Look at Humility

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin. Blessed Teresa of Calcutta (Mother Teresa)

Hello Ladies,

Today I'm going to be talking about a controversial and therefore misunderstood subject: humility. What is humility exactly? The hallowed Oxford English Dictionary defines it thusly:


Definition of humility
noun
[mass noun]
the quality of having a modest or low view of one’s importance:
he needs the humility to accept that their way may be better
Origin:

Middle English: from Old French humilite, from Latin humilitas, from humilis (see humble)


But there is much more to the word. Modern society views humility as a dangerous virtue for women. It is often used synonymously with weak, powerless, silent, and undervalued.

What does this mean for us Marian moms who, like Christ's mother, are called to be humble?

We should have no fear of becoming weak, powerless, silenced or undervalued. We need not try to change who we are as if ashamed of having a strong character or any other gift God has bestowed upon us. There is no need to redefine humility. We just need to put it in the proper context.

We need humility to accept that God's way is better.

It is a disturbing truth that God calls all of us to be humble. After all, what are we compared to Him in His glory?  But let's put it in a different perspective. Blessed Mother Teresa put it this way:

I don't claim anything of the work. It's his work. I'm like a little pencil in his hand. That's all. He does the thinking. He does the writing. The pencil has nothing to do with it. The pencil has only to be allowed to be used.

       Blessed Teresa of Calcutta (Mother Teresa)

Could anybody call Mother Teresa weak? Impotent? Silent and without value?
She transcended religious, cultural, national and political spheres to humbly do God's will. What is the difference? How could she affect such change?

Because she was humble before God.

I have heard from a few sources that she was hell on wheels before man. She would have to be in order to affect such change in the world.

Now it's hard to have the humility of a saint. That is why we must practice. But where to begin?

Be not afraid to tell Jesus that you love Him; even though it be without feeling, this is the way to oblige Him to help you, and carry you like a little child too feeble to walk.
     St. Therese of Lisieux

I love the above quote for several reasons. What mother does not understand the imagery of carrying a child? How many times do we feel our own need to be carried? How many times do we tell those around us that we love them? How many times do we ourselves need to be told? I also love the idea of God taking direct action in our lives. It has been said that young children love not the the people who cater to their desires but those to take care of their needs.

We are God's children. He takes care of our needs.

Now isn't that a relief? God loves me. He takes care of my needs.

Is it too much for me to give up my grudge against my neighbor so that I can focus on what is in front of me? Is it more important for me to talk on the phone with a friend or take care of my crying child? Sometimes we need to let the child cry and talk to a friend for our own sanity. But what if I'm just gossiping? Oops. What if I'm incorrect in my assumptions and I'm spreading false information (while my child is crying)? Double oops. You see the direction this is taking.

If you're at a loss where to begin try the following:

Be quiet. Hang up the phone. Turn off the t.v. and music. God's voice is so great that He needs to whisper.

Thank God for all of your blessings.

Ask God for what you need. Save the wants for later.

If you need to get work done - which face it, you probably do, do what is in front of you with great love.

Pray while you work. If you are cooking then thank God for the food. If you are washing dishes then thank God for the food, dishes, water, soap, and for those who shared your meal with you. etc.

If there is a person or situation that makes you really angry, then pray for that person or situation. (I do this a lot!)

If you have time to get away - Go to mass.

Go to Eucharistic adoration.

Read the bible.

Right now I'm just talking about the small stuff. But our lives are connected by moments. if we do not practice allowing God into the moment then we will be unable to let God in when it really matters. And it only really matters right now.

Hopefully at this point you realize that being humble isn't about labeling your thoughts as inadequate and suppressing them. It's about realizing that your thoughts are so important that they shape your reality and asking God to guide you to a reality far greater and more wonderful than you could possibly imagine.

And if you think that your work as a mother isn't important just think what life would be like if you didn't take care of the basic needs of the household. Ask any child who was neglected or who grew up in sloth or was denied love. Remember that we are entrusted with souls of God's own making, vulnerable and full of potential, just as Jesus was. Just as we are.

Lately I have had real cause to cling to humility. I have mentioned in an earlier post that I have been diagnosed with postpartum depression. It's getting better but you can imagine how my reality has been affected by this illness. I know that perception of events is skewed. Now that I am aware of the situation it is much easier to take a step back and stop taking things so personally. It is a huge relief and has helped the healing tremendously. No, it's not all about me. No, I don't have to fix it. No, I don't have to prove anything. And no, it's not all my fault. Once I admit that things are better than I perceive them to be... well, imagine the liberation from anxiety.

My newborn daughter is now at the stage when she fights sleep because being awake is much more interesting. She's miserable being awake. Sometimes it doesn't matter what I do to settle her down. There is no convincing her that she will be so much happier after a good rest. I often feel that my relationship with God is like this. He knows what I need. He is willing to care for my needs. But my way is so much more interesting, even if it makes me miserable.

It is only in the quiet where I find rest. It is only with God in my heart that I find peace. It is only with God by my side that I can find the strength to do the small tasks in front of my with great love instead of crying on the floor of my closet because I am overwhelmed. It is only by asking God to heal me that I am overcoming my illness. It is only by listening to God that I gain the wisdom to care for myself. All of this because one day I entertained the idea that God's way may be better than mine.

I do not claim to be better than anyone. I do not pretend that I have all the answers. But I do know that motherhood is hard and we need to support one another. I know that some moms look at me as if I have it all together. I don't. Obviously. But, well, how can you go wrong by trusting God?

May God Be with You!



AUTHOR'S NOTE

Imagine my surprise to find out that some of my most consistent readers are women who aren't mothers or even men (who are obviously not mothers, either). Welcome! I'm glad to know that some of my, could I call it wisdom?, has a broad, practical appeal. Please forgive me if I continue to cater this blog to mothers of young children. Trying to broaden the spectrum would probably make my head explode. But feel free to add your comments. We learn from one another.