Monday, May 23, 2011

Blowing it

We mothers have been around since the beginning of time. Obviously we have been doing something right or humanity would not have endured this long. You would think that we could come up with some sort of rules that go beyond the necessity of snack and nap times. Nope. For us moms each child is a new adventure with a new set of rules. This is why we have to be so careful about giving and receiving advice.  

Lately I've had to deal with a bully at my son's school. Yes, kids will be kids. Yes, there will be troubled and troubling kids everywhere you go. And yes, I am very aware that my now four year old is far from perfect. But do not tell me that every time my child (or another - we moms do talk after all) comes home complaining that a certain bruise or scrape is from a certain child that it couldn't be happening... well, I get a bit... upset. I send direct letters to the school. I listen in awe as they explain that Certain Child is so sweet and all of these bumps and bruises (which aren't happening) are accidents and that said Sweet Child couldn't be causing said non-existent injuries because there are two adults watching him at all times and he's not allowed to interact with the other children which is really a shame because said Child is so sweet. Oh, and my kid isn't perfect, either. So there. So we pulled my son from this school and will be sending him to a Catholic school in the fall.

Some people have been telling me that I have been unreasonably angry about this. Maybe I have been. But my son has been saying things that I find really disturbing. Such as: "I like it when he hits me because then he gives me a hug afterward. Isn't that what friends do?" or "The teacher lets him do it so it's ok." Call me crazy but I like discipline. I like rules and boundaries. I like having rewards for good behavior and 'time - out' for poor behavior. Most of all I like stability. If your life is stable enough you can afford to be flexible. But I'm not buying that hitting is justifiable because affection is given afterwards.  This is not sweet or cute behavior. 

So how did I blow it? I let vent my fury in front of my child. Not directed at him, of course. But what does a child know about these things? He just knew that I was upset and thought that it was his fault.

Ladies, I'll be honest. The little guy I used to know so well is growing up. I have a little girl who still gets up several times a night. I miss things. I am cranky when I should be smiling. I feel a bit like I'm drowning slowly. And I hate it. 

I am trying so hard to see myself as Jesus does but I haven't managed yet. But whenever I think I can't see things clearly anymore I try to see my children as Jesus does. That helps. It reminds me that at times my children really are being a pain and need discipline. 

In the meantime my son has stopped 'hitting to hurt' and his temper tantrums. I guess that's something anyway. 

Friday, May 6, 2011


Hello Ladies,

This will be a short post as I would eventually like to get some sleep (after I clean the kitchen, of course).

I last wrote on Good Friday about going into the tomb to allow God to transform everything that is dead in your life. The idea is to totally surrender to God. The tomb is a place where you don't have to have all the answers. It is a place where you don't need to defend yourself or fix any part of your life. It is a place of peace and trust where you allow God to work in your life. When you leave this place (and we never really leave, do we?) you will be transformed.

It sounds so nice, doesn't it? Kind of like a spa for the soul. And it should be. Except that most of us, myself included, don't want to give up that much control. And generally we are the last to notice when God is working in our lives. And we so want to quantify things. At least I do. It would be so nice if we could leave the tomb whole and healed and ready to work miracles.

Well, Ladies, Jesus has been there before us and even He had scars. In fact, He was recognized by his scars. Was Jesus transformed? Yes. Did He perform miracles? Yes. Did he still have work to do? Yes. So what is the point of this blog entry? Simply to say that our work, our wounds if you will, have meaning if we are centered on the transforming love of Jesus. I do not mean mindless obedience to dogma or tradition that hinders your ability to function lovingly. (I must state here that I believe that dogma and tradition are in place to support our ability to function lovingly.) Remember that our role as mothers is to make our children fit for the kingdom of heaven. We do this through the grace of God. Our actions should be based on Caritas, the love which inspires action. 

So what can we expect when we leave the tomb? I cannot possibly say. All that I know is that when I take the time to surrender myself to God that I become a little bit more loving in unexpected ways. Some days I would love to stay in the tomb. But then who would do the dishes? Sometimes the miracle is finding the strength to do it myself.

May God grant you plenty of rest.