Monday, May 23, 2011

Blowing it

We mothers have been around since the beginning of time. Obviously we have been doing something right or humanity would not have endured this long. You would think that we could come up with some sort of rules that go beyond the necessity of snack and nap times. Nope. For us moms each child is a new adventure with a new set of rules. This is why we have to be so careful about giving and receiving advice.  

Lately I've had to deal with a bully at my son's school. Yes, kids will be kids. Yes, there will be troubled and troubling kids everywhere you go. And yes, I am very aware that my now four year old is far from perfect. But do not tell me that every time my child (or another - we moms do talk after all) comes home complaining that a certain bruise or scrape is from a certain child that it couldn't be happening... well, I get a bit... upset. I send direct letters to the school. I listen in awe as they explain that Certain Child is so sweet and all of these bumps and bruises (which aren't happening) are accidents and that said Sweet Child couldn't be causing said non-existent injuries because there are two adults watching him at all times and he's not allowed to interact with the other children which is really a shame because said Child is so sweet. Oh, and my kid isn't perfect, either. So there. So we pulled my son from this school and will be sending him to a Catholic school in the fall.

Some people have been telling me that I have been unreasonably angry about this. Maybe I have been. But my son has been saying things that I find really disturbing. Such as: "I like it when he hits me because then he gives me a hug afterward. Isn't that what friends do?" or "The teacher lets him do it so it's ok." Call me crazy but I like discipline. I like rules and boundaries. I like having rewards for good behavior and 'time - out' for poor behavior. Most of all I like stability. If your life is stable enough you can afford to be flexible. But I'm not buying that hitting is justifiable because affection is given afterwards.  This is not sweet or cute behavior. 

So how did I blow it? I let vent my fury in front of my child. Not directed at him, of course. But what does a child know about these things? He just knew that I was upset and thought that it was his fault.

Ladies, I'll be honest. The little guy I used to know so well is growing up. I have a little girl who still gets up several times a night. I miss things. I am cranky when I should be smiling. I feel a bit like I'm drowning slowly. And I hate it. 

I am trying so hard to see myself as Jesus does but I haven't managed yet. But whenever I think I can't see things clearly anymore I try to see my children as Jesus does. That helps. It reminds me that at times my children really are being a pain and need discipline. 

In the meantime my son has stopped 'hitting to hurt' and his temper tantrums. I guess that's something anyway. 

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