Note: This post is a clarification for the previous post Quo Vadis? and is not meant to be read independently.
I read last night's post to my husband and he didn't get it so I am going to clarify. This blog is pseudo-autobiographical. I try really, really hard not to get too political or to go on rants. I also try not to pick out specific people of my acquaintance who drive me nuts. It's just not helpful. But many of you, myself included, might rightfully say that we try to be good mothers. We probably are great mothers. What am I on about? Well, enter the rant.
There are certain mothers I know who work very hard to appear to be "good mothers" and don't really care about their children at all. They are not loving. They are not supportive. Their children would never go to them for help or advice because they are constantly berated. These mothers are not grateful when their children go out of their way to help them and are jealous when their children are successful. Then they go to others looking for sympathy because their children don't want to be around them. "But I'm their mother", they say. "I was a Good Mother! What did I do to deserve this??" Plenty, say I.
I also mentioned a woman who out of despair killed herself and her children. One report said that she frantically tried to stop the process at the last moment but it was too late. She, too, was considered by many to be a "Good Mother" until "things got too much for her".
In both cases we are dealing with isolation. In the first the mothers systematically isolate themselves from their children. In the second case the role of being a mother in this society was too isolating. She fell into despair.
In the first case I have very little sympathy. We are not perfect and we sometimes behave selfishly. But are we selfish as a whole? Probably not. It takes a lot of energy and practice to be that selfish. That is why I think these women are, to put it nicely, cows. (Yes, I'm a harsh critic even to myself.)
In the second case I have much more compassion. Mothers are under constant scrutiny even by other mothers. Does your child sleep through the night? (Not my daughter.) Is your toddler potty-trained? (My son is FINALLY.) Does your child walk yet? (Not my daughter - thankfully.) Do you co-sleep? Do you make/ let your child cry it out? And do not get me started about cloth diapers and breast feeding. As long as the child is clean and fed who cares? The list goes on.
So what is my solution? Stop trying to be what society thinks you should be and start BEING LOVING. Our children do not care if you're worried about what the neighbors think. And we as mothers should be more supportive of other mothers. We need to be loving - not right.
Just one more thing. This post is hastily written and not even proofread. It is meant to be an explanation of the previous post "Quo Vadis?". I'm sorry for any confusion.
May God Bless you.