I warn you that this will not be a coherent post. My two children are not sleeping well. Or at all. It seems like a cruel trick of nature that children who are up sick half the night should have energy the next day to be miserable. My son is now well and now it's my daughter who is not sleeping. Ok, she's sleeping now when I have to be awake. I have noticed with sleep deprivation that my moods are either like black storm clouds ready to break or like looking at the world through a pink kaleidoscope; everything seems pink and strange.
Today is a pink day. I'm just trying to get through till bed time.
Lately I have been trying to plan my daughter's first birthday. This is a HUGE deal in my family and must be treated accordingly. I don't mean that we need to invite a lot of people or have a a huge meal. But my daughter MUST be stripped to her diaper and allowed to plunge into the cake. And the right people must be there (just the elder of the family who has trouble getting around).
If you think about it it doesn't seem too complicated but if you've read my earlier post entitled 'Feast of the Holy Family' you know that there is another elder of the family who is rather poisonous. I was determined to pray for her (which I do) and go on my merry way but as time goes on I realize just how far her poison has reached. This continues to make me angry. Why do people make children into pawns? The strange thing is that she hasn't tried to contact us since her meltdown on Christmas day. My husband thinks it's because she has 'come to her senses' but I disagree. I have heard that she doesn't even remember her trip and I find the fact that she has not tried to contact us ominous. I am almost sure that her addiction has taken over.
And where does this leave us? We are strangely prohibited from even mentioning my daughter's birthday to the extended family. But typing this last sentence I'm realizing the ridiculousness of it all. We are not even asking for gifts. I am much too tired to make excuses for our existence. The thing is that the extended family misses receiving messages and pictures. I haven't been sending them out because 'I must not offend the elder'. This woman deserves my compassion and pity and a certain amount of respect but I will no longer allow fear of her inner drama to dictate my actions. She doesn't seem to remember them anyway.
My daughter is still sleeping so I'm going to take a nap. So much for the blog!