True Love - The Integrity Project

Hello Ladies,

You may have been wondering why I repeat (over and over and over) God's love for you. The answer is simple: If God is the center of your life then your life makes sense. Without God as the center even the most beautiful relationships become warped. Think this is an exaggeration? Read on.

Ever hear a husband or wife say "We'll never get divorced because we don't believe in it?" How about a mother angrily saying "I'm pretending this is my son's face" while pounding out meat for dinner.  Or "I cannot possibly have this baby. There isn't enough love in the world." "We used to be in love but we just lost it. Isn't that the way it goes? Better to split up now than have things drag out." "The Christian model of marriage is for the woman to stay in the home. She finds joy in the success of her husband and children." We are so willing to conform our thoughts to our worst nightmares. "We have to keep our children safe!" instead of "Our society needs to teach that rape, shooting children (or anybody) is unacceptable." What are we thinking??

We have downgraded love, the greatest power in the universe, to an emotion, a finite, dwindling resource. We know that we cannot maintain even the most basic human relationships on our own. We question the existence of God and the purpose of our own creation: to be loved by God and to love in return.

Let's take a look at the Catholic view of what a loving relationship looks like. For reasons of convenience I will start with marriage. The most obvious Christian view of marriage is: man plus woman equals children. This is true. It is the most stable building block of society. But when have I ever taken the simplest answer?

We are not created simply to do as we are told. We are created to be in relationship with God. What is your ideal, healthy relationship? It is one of mutual respect, trust, and support. It is a relationship in which one draws life from the other and gives it back again. It honors vulnerability as a gift, not as an excuse to victimize or berate. It is the ultimate "I've got your back" so that you can walk on your journey to heaven together.

Let me tell you a story before you think I'm deluding myself. My mother had some severe mental problems which resulted in various addictions. My father didn't realize the full extent of the damage to the family (mental illness can be hidden and tricky) but when he did, he made moves to protect his children and help his wife. She did get medical help and she was able to give up some of her addictions and attain some stability. They separated (her idea). He was told, over and over, even by me, to divorce his wife. If she had ever asked for a divorce he would have granted it. But she never did. He paid her bills and forgave her for her nastiness. Why? Not because of church doctrine. Not because he believed that he deserved to be abused (though he felt extreme guilt for not catching on earlier). He did it because he knew that she was incapable of caring for herself. She would have ended up on the street and would have died alone, a bitter woman.

One day, a few years ago, my mother called my father asking if they could meet for dinner. (This was unheard of.) My father said that she was always welcome, she need not even ask! Just show up! He was surprised and thrilled. So they met at a restaurant for dinner. My mother was gratified at the love and forgiveness that had always been there. My father was grateful to be able to show his love and respect for her. And then she died. Literally. She had a heart attack right in front of him. She was pronounced dead at the hospital but the restaurant had to fill out "death on premises" paperwork.

It was only at my mom's funeral that I truly began to understand my dad. God is the center of his life. He did not simply accept the situation; he prayed daily for strength and guidance. He knew that if he gave up on his wife that she would give up on herself. As he told me once: "I promised her. I promised to be there for her in sickness. How is this different? Would you want me to treat you that way?"

God's love is fulfilling but it can also be difficult. Jesus died for us. But even He took strength from God. Even Jesus took the time to discern God's will for him.

The Holy Family is often held up as the ideal Christian family. Yet St. Joseph wasn't Jesus' father. This caused great scandal at the time or the Bible wouldn't mention it. Catholic and Orthodox tradition clearly state that Mary and Joseph did not have children of their own. They were chaste. BUT THEY WERE OPEN TO LIFE IN THAT THEY WERE OPEN TO THE LIFE GIVING WILL OF GOD.

I'm not saying that children aren't important. I am not negating the man plus woman equals children equation. But I am saying that having a full relationship with God should shake your foundations a bit. How so? Have you ever objectified yourself or others because you were lonely?  Because you wanted to be popular? Or loved? Do you hold back from your beloved because you're afraid of getting hurt? In short, do you believe that love is a limited resource?

Loving fully is hard. It's scary. It is not to be done lightly. It takes constant care and attention. And it's totally worth it.

One of my favorite things to do is to go to adoration of the blessed sacrament. I highly recommend this even if you're not sure of the body and blood of Christ thing. What do you do? Find a church that has adoration. Go into the chapel or church and sit. Just as you are. Sit quietly for a few minutes or a few hours. Even if you're not Catholic. Nobody is going to be looking for a membership card at the door. That's it. But it is truly profound.

God calls us to love by loving us first. He is not asking us to do something which he has not already done. He walks with us during our bad times. We have to make him breakfast, keep a perfect house for him or go to bed with him to 'prove' our love or value. He simply loves us. No matter what.



May God continue to bless you.

Hold Me Together....

Hello Ladies,

Today I would like to share with you one of my favorite Christmas songs. It is a perfect example of what our relationship with God should be. We think we are not important to anyone. We are necessary to God's loving plan. Have the strength to love others, be vulnerable, forgive, pick yourself up, and know that you are not alone in your journey. Walk along in humility. You don't have to know all the answers. Walk in strength. You do not need to remain in abusive situations. Dare to forgive - even if from a safe distance. Every moment you choose to love, you choose God.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8_475FKJWQ

Merry Christmas to you and your family.


I have traveled many moonless nights
Cold and weary with a babe inside
And I wonder what I've done
Holy Father, You have come
And chosen me now to carry Your Son

I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now, be with me now

Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy
Breath of Heaven

Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of Your plan
Help me be strong, help me be, help me

Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy

Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy
Breath of Heaven, Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven
AMY GRANT

Songwriters
CHRIS EATON, AMY GRANT



Read more: Amy Grant - Breath Of Heaven Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Amy Grant - Breath Of Heaven

In the Beginning...

Hello Ladies,

What I am humbly offering you today is the start of a Christian allegory of the journey of the soul. It is not enough to say "God loves you". This is true. But it helps to have a context to put it in. The Christian worldview is an exciting one complete with epic battles over the fate of humanity, supernatural beings, and love that transcends time and space. If you want a really good read look up The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis or The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkien. These are true masterpieces. But since I am not a bachelor and/or do not have a wife to lighten my workload, you will have to be content with the following.


In the beginning…

…there was you and God. Surrounding you was the rest of creation, but that was ok because God was the center of it all. Every voice, unique and distinct, was lifted in song, creating a melody greater than the sum of any one part. And that was as it should be.

Then came a change, small at first, a discordant cord. Then came a crash, a break, a sense of… loss. But still there was God, shining in the center. And there was peace.

Then one day a messenger of God came before you. 

“Would you like to be tested?” asked the angel. 

“What would that entail?” you asked of the angel. 

“God will be obscured from you. You will have a chance to hear the discordant voices. You will be given the power to choose your own path, to choose a way other than God.” 

“But why would I choose to undergo such a test?” 

“Because God, creator of all, sees your potential to become greater and wiser than you are now. You may choose to be tested. At the end there will be judgment. All that you have chosen that is not of God will be burned away. Your sins will be forgotten and your sacrifices and strengths perfected.” 

Then the angel took you by the hand and showed you the earth. For the first time you became aware of the concepts of space and time. You became aware of separateness and isolation. And you felt small and trembled.

“Do not fear, little one,” said the angel. “You will begin as small and secret as a dream. Then you will grow. You will be helpless and vulnerable. You will learn to love by being loved first.”

But you could see so much sorrow and fear that you were not convinced.

“What happens to those who do not choose God?” 

The angel stood aside and before you lay a void of agony and isolation. 

“Who would choose to go there?” you asked. 

“Those who refused to see the beauty within themselves and so did not honor it in others. They lived their lives in thoughtlessness, fear and dread. For they knew deep down that what they were doing was not right.” 

“Why doesn’t God do something??” 

“Because God loves us and respects our decisions. Their small decisions in life formed them and led them there. When God called to them, they did not recognize Him and turned away. They always thought they would spare themselves in the end. They were wrong.” 

“Then why would I leave my place of safety?” 

Again the angel moved and before you lay a place of trust, joy, growth, and harmony; souls gathered together at a feast. There is a sense of love, not of blind faith as you have known, but of a relationship whose bonds have been tried and found secure. The beauty of grace and gratitude is breathtaking; the souls are grateful for God’s love and grace and God is grateful for their steadfastness in adversity. 

“What am I to do?” you asked the angel. 

“Be who God created you to be. Sing your song to others. Love. Always. God will be with you. And so will I.”

May God Continue to Bless You!!

Conversion - The Integrity Project

Hello Ladies,

A Christian talking about conversion can be a tricky thing. It conjures images of annoying people ringing your doorbell during a nap time to tell you that you are going to hell unless you follow their beliefs. It implies disrespect for your way of life and the values that you as an intelligent person hold dear. It violates the 'live and let live' mentality that is the basis for any free society. The words "guilt", "intolerance", "manipulated" and "theocracy" come to mind. I live in a secular society. I know how it goes. I am free to be Catholic as long as nobody knows about it. On the other hand I'm not of the belief that you have to follow my way or you're going to hell either.

So, being a Catholic who doesn't bang on doors and doesn't believe that you are going to hell because you are not rattling those rosary beads, what have I got to say about conversion?

That you have been created for the sole purpose of being loved and loving in kind. 

That's it.  Ok - one more thing:

If you knew how much you are loved you would cry for joy.

You are not some sort of cosmic accident. You are not here to "make others happy". You are not here to fill some dogmatic idea of what it is to be a woman (whether the dogma be religious or secular). You are unique in all of creation. You will only be on this earth for a short time. You are here because at the moment of your conception, possibly before, God could not imagine anything more beautiful and perfect than you. You were created to be loved by God and to love God in return.

Let me tell you a story about a man I met when I was a child. I don't really remember what he was like before this incident. He was an acquaintance of my father and he was involved in international real estate. He was very, very good at it. [Author's note: The following is a summary of what this man told my father in my hearing.]

One day I was closing a deal in Rome. My host took me to see the architecture at St. Peter's Square. [This man was an atheist.] I was standing there when there was some commotion and... I found myself face to face with Pope John Paul II. No exaggeration. The pope smiled at me and started speaking to me in Italian. My host began to translate. Hearing the English, John Paul II immediately switched languages and began asking me questions about myself. ("Why would the pope care about me? With all those Catholics standing around, too!") When the pope heard I worked in international real estate, he became very excited and said "God has heard my prayers! I am so happy to meet you. You are the one. Think of the poor. They have no homes. They need you. The need you now. I am praying for you!" 
Well, what could I do after that? The pope was praying for me by name for crissakes. Told me that God had placed me there. Didn't even tell me to go to church. Guess there's more to life than making money.

A few years later my father heard that this man had been heckled at a real estate conference for giving a talk about social justice while making money. Last I heard this man still made money but he was truly happy for the first time in his life.

You are loved. You are unique in all of creation. If you knew how much you are loved you would cry for joy. You are who and where you are for a reason. Do not let others quantify you. You are without price and loved constantly without cost. You are irreplaceable. You have dignity which others cannot take from you. You are beloved of God.

If I have one prayer it is that one day you will truly believe this.

May God continue to bless you!

The Integrity Project - Introduction

Hello Ladies,

It’s been a while since I’ve written. Yes, I’ve been busy with “mom stuff” but I’ve also been working on giving my writing some direction. My time has not been wasted; I’ve come up with a purpose for my ramblings.

You see, the more I thought things through the more I came to realize that the challenges we face are far deeper than the day-to-day challenges of being a mother. As far as I can tell the greatest challenge is that we live in a “me” centered soulless society. We live in a society that does not value sacrifices made for others. Or perhaps you live in a society where women are expected to do nothing but give until you are a hollow shell of a human being. Either way, love, respect, and integrity are treated as finite resources which cannot nourish everybody and therefore need to be hoarded and fought for.

Some people say that religion is the answer. Obviously I agree in some part to this. But to place religion over what God is calling you to do is idolatry. Since this would be breaking the first commandment I cannot say that this is the whole answer. Let me then say that religion should be used as a form of grammar that helps you communicate with God. If you have no understanding of the grammar of your mother tongue it will be very difficult for you to communicate in your own language and impossible to learn a foreign language. Do not be afraid to respectfully question your faith.  As Jesus said:

I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not now that the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything I have heard from my Father. You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another. (John 15:15-17 NRSV)

Friends have conversations. Friends listen to one another. Friends support each other. Jesus invited us into a relationship of dignity and strength. He calls us to be greater than what we tell ourselves we are capable of because his resources are infinite.

As I write I will be addressing the following questions. My answers will begin in the simplest terms and work their way up to a more theological and Catholic understanding. I understand that many not Catholics read this blog. I do not try to make it all things to all people, but make Catholic teaching accessible to all. It is my hope that any reader will be able to grow in faith and wisdom without feeling that my way is the only way. My way isn’t the only way. It probably isn’t the best way. (This is not only a blog but a conversation. If you have any other ideas please let me know.):

• What is prayer? How can I use this new understanding to strengthen my life? How can I approach Catholic prayers and sacraments to make them more meaningful?

• What is mysticism? Am I called to be a mystic? How can I deepen my relationship with God? How is mysticism used in the Catholic church?

• What are virtues? If they are supposed to be good then why are they often portrayed as demeaning? (Humility, obedience, etc.)

• What is conversion? How can I use this understanding in my everyday life? Do I need to give up my own dreams of work/ commercial success to be a good mother?


These are only a few topics that I have come up with. Please let me know if there are others you would like to have addressed. The underlying question is how God is calling you to live your life to the fullest, secure in love and dignity.

I look forward to sharing with you!!

Change of Name

Hello Ladies,

Earlier today I searched "Theology Mom" on the internet and found that it was being used by a Christian homeschooling mother. I honestly believe that I had the name first but hey, she's really dedicated to her calling as a Christian mom. So in order to avoid confusion I have renamed myself "Mariam Mom". I chose this name to distinguish myself from all the other "Marian moms" out there. Mariam was also my conformation name. And my husband liked it. So there you go. Hopefully this will lessen any confusion.

Blessings to all,

Mariam Mom